It may have been two years ago, but I still count moving to Dallas as one of the happiest days of my life. It was sunny and hot that day and I don't think I had that much Vitamin D in ten minutes than my entire time in New York City. I remember feeling completely surprised that a random stranger smiled at me and came up to talk to me. Seeing that Dallas skyline and my beautiful apartment, that was all mine still brings a smile to my face.
New York was not the right place for me at that time in my life. It was clear that the market was flooded with talented actresses who would never be seen and die trying to live their Broadway dreams. Not literally die but you know what I mean. But it wasn't just the industry that jaded me against New York. The city can be an incredibly lonely place. Most people are in this success driven mode and will rarely take the time to get to know you unless you have something to offer. It made me feel as a human being, that my value was only in how many jobs I could book.
So May 4th, 2017 I flew to a brand new place where I knew no one. Since then I have made incredible friends, performed incredible shows, and am still driven in my goals. I wanted to take a moment to go through some of the unexpected pleasant surprises adulthood has brought me since graduation and some of the hurdles I have to face now. I hope you enjoy.
1. Life has forced me to take care of myself. Before I had graduated I had already experienced burn out. Which should not be a thing at 22. Since graduating I have chosen to take breaks in between shows, not auditioned for things too far away, and not overworked myself with dance classes and voice lessons. I will say my mental health is still a work in progress, but I am getting there. My relationship with my body and food is still incredibly volatile. My anxiety rampant if I am not caring for me. So as an adult, it's my responsibility to love and care for all of me. Not just my physical body.
2. Valuing the relationships that are important and saying goodbye to the ones that aren't challenging you or bringing joy. I don't really need to go in too much detail with this one. My question to you is why keep certain friendships/relationships when they aren't benefitting you to the fullest? Now obviously don't cut everyone out. That's dumb. But there is such a thing as being cordial acquaintances. Then that leaves you with the people who "spark joy" in your life (judge me you Kondo haters). Care. About. These. People. These are the ones you should be working for.
3. Choose kindness. Yes you dark, depressing people, I am going Disney on you. But you really truly don't know how your actions affect someone's day. I will always remember those wonderful people who included me when I first moved to Dallas. I owe them pretty much all my friends here. So at the end of the day I want to be that person to someone as well. And sorry but no one wants to be an ass.
4. I hate drama. So if these two years have taught me anything, it's to stay away from it. Some of it is inevitable but overall I have loved not being apart of the dramatic. Leave it on the stage.
5. Decisions become bigger. This year I was in the process of trying to buy property. It didn't work out for a number of reasons but I learned so much from the process. The decisions that you make as you get older become more serious, financially binding, and longterm.
6. I am completely surprised with where I have ended up. I am now asked more to choreograph more often than performing. And while it's not what I expected, it has been a joy. What a pleasant surprise it has been to be a creator and artist in a completely different way.
7. I have become so much more confident. While I still have the same struggles that everyone deals with, I absolutely know my worth as a human being is not defined by money, my job or my friends. It's about who I am as a person. I don't care if I don't receive a gig, or someone doesn't like me because I am still who I am. It doesn't change me as a person and make me less than. I so wish I was this confident back in school.
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