To New Beginnings

Vulnerability time. Not much fun, but I'm not one of those people that pretends life is perfect for a false Instagram-perfect-looking-life. These past few months sucked. It really took a toll on me emotionally and physically. It's interesting how your body tells you that you need to press your reset button. The bags under your eyes, tired all the time, anxiety, stress, nothing seems to make you happy, emotional fatigue, and just an overall feeling of "Meh!" After the time that I've had I need a come-back moment. 

As an actor that has a day job, I am constantly doing something on top of rehearsing and working. I have a relationship and friendships to keep up with, events to attend, network with badass women's groups, keep my apartment clean, eat healthy, and lately something is always going wrong with my car.

To say I am exhausted would be a complete understatement. 

In my experience there are two different kinds of people that get caught up. There are people that become solely caught up with themselves that they forget the others around them. Then there are those that become so caught up with the people/life around them, that they tend to forget about themselves. I definitely fall into the latter category. Most women do due to the societal pressures and stigma that tells us our needs are second. 

This past month has truly been the hardest on me yet in my adult life. My personal life was rocky, I lost a friend to suicide, I've had financial stressors, and on top of my day to day responsibilities it really all came crashing down on me. I have a thick skin and I am a strong person, but that foundation and core broke down. Am I out of the woods yet? I don't totally think so but I'm close. The thing that I keep telling myself is that I have prepared myself for this and have gone through tough situations and look back and tell myself "Yeah you are a badass. This is rough but you can do this."

This experience has really caused me to notice the people around me. To have compassion and visibility for someone who may not receive it from anyone else. My favorite movie of all time About Time has this lovely quote in it that puts in perspective the hard times. "Cherish the small moments as if they are the most important. We're all traveling through time together, every day of our lives. All we can do is relish this remarkable ride." 

So I am going to try and restart, reset and revive. I'm traveling in a week to the East coast and will receive some much needed beach time. I'm going to LOVE auditioning all over the place, and LOVE choreographing and performing again (hey cast me please?). I'm taking dance classes, yoga and meditation to fill my soul. I'm going to reconnect with friends and make some new ones along the way. I need to volunteer. Basically I'm getting back to doing what I do best. I am going to appreciate these beautiful people I have around me, and try my best to make them laugh. 

We can't always control what happens to us. We can only control how we take care of ourselves, and treat the people around us. To all of my family and friends that took care of me during this time, thank you. I will never forget you. I also need to appreciate and thank myself for getting through this really hard time and seeing the light. The human body is amazingly resilient and I am a stronger woman after all is said and done. 

Cheers to new beginnings.